sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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