i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
