Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
