Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
