so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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