I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
