dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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