Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
