Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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