Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
