Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
