Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
