1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
