i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
