This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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