i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
