i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
