Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
