You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
