I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
