I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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