You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
