woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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