you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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