I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
