I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
