dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
