I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
