I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
