i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All I want is dick and wine.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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