I can tuck mytits in my pants
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
