I cut my penus on the lid.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I currently don't understand fingers.
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