I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
