they need to just BURY HIM!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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