so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
