Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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