My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
