i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
