I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
