but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
