Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
