1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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