Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
