and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
