I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
