The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
