can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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