two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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