You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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