The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think your dad took our porno
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
its liver damage thursday
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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