Tell her she can't have a vagina
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
