i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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