If i come over, it means nothing
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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