I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
