She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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