Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
