How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
