did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
