I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
