i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
