Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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