my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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